10 weeks to go

Admittedly I am getting a little freaked out at the prospect of labor. I am not afraid of the pain, I am afraid of how I am going to handle it. I am not sure if I will be confident and cope as best as I can with my support people or be so freaked out that I will tense up through contractions and verbally abuse those around me. These feelings of anxiety towards labor creep up just after our prenatal classes. I do not feel that I am getting what I need out of them and my expectations are not being met. I do not feel that they’re unreasonably high I have just been through this before as a support person with a friend and have come to expect a similar protocol as the hospital that she had her labor delivery at. When we had our hospital tour everything was laid out on the table for pretty much every conceivable situation in the event of a c-section, forceps or vacuum assisted delivery etc. You knew where you would go for recovery and that dad or support person would go with baby in the event of the c-section. At our hospital, I have no idea where I would go for recovery. I will be sure to ask at our next class of course, but it still bugs me. We haven’t spent nearly enough time on breathing and relaxation; which I am counting on to get me through the early stages of labor.

Another thing that bothers me immensely that ever since I can remember I have always wanted to have my sister present at my birth along with Scott. She has been through it three times and is a doula and I trust her and think she would be a big help. We both figured she would come stay with me around my due date but this will probably not happen as she will be taking in my niece (we have an irresponsible sister who isn’t capable of looking after her daughter who is in foster care) right around the time I am due and going through that transition will be rough on the baby who only really knows her foster mom as her mom and the rest of the family to boot. I can’t in good faith ask my sister to leave the baby and bringing her would be cumbersome as we would need to worry about her while I am laboring away and finding someone to care for her. We do not have family where we live and my house isn’t THAT big for more family to stay… So as my birth isn’t going to be as I envisioned it and I am not 100 % comfortable with our hospital I do not feel good going into this experience. I am a pessimist, trying to be optimistic.

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